TANZEN!

God I love Eurovision. A celebration of european campness. I still have some reservations about exactly why Turkey and Israel are allowed in, but never mind.

So, I settled down alone with a huge glass of red wine, some maltesers (in homage to Malta...who despite what Emily thinks, weren't in it for once) and on the phone to my sister Eliza, but it was her call, so we stayed on the phone ALL NIGHT. Next year, we should probably consider assembling under the same roof...
Terry was there. What will happen when Terry Wogan dies? I vote for Graham Norton. He would be marvellous.

So what were my personal favourites from the night? Let's face it, if you didn't watch it, you have no idea what I'm talking about...

What was Bosnia wearing? Looked like a goose...
Spain, brilliant, but not Eurovision. More take that on speed.
Belarus was hot! But also kind of taking himself too seriously.
Ireland, thank you for keeping us off the bottom. What were the Irish thinking?
Finland, celebrating death metal again. Evanescence rip off though.
FYROM, I don't remember. So can't have been very good.
Slovenia what was with the lit up hand? Very odd
Hungary was a bit emo.
Lithuania was also a bit emo, and they had an ENORMOUS drummer. Not surprising considering half the population lives in wisbech.
Greece was hot...lol
I loved Georgia, that was a tune!
Sweden was just the Rasmus all over again...
France was brilliant. My god, where did they get the pink cat scarf?
Lativa was Il Divo. I wanted them to throw their flowers into the crowd, they disappointed me.
Russia was like Tatu and Girls Aloud. I liked it, but not the outfits. They were like escapees from a nunnery.
Germany was remarkably good. He didn't even sound gutteral.
Serbia, pah. Read on for my thoughts.
Ukraine is who this entry is dedicated to. What were they thinking? What were they on? Can I have some? My baby sister was watching it with my parents and wanted to know if IT was a woman...brilliant...
Scooch did us proud.
Romania was also really good, loved the French Jamaican.
Bulgaria was very out of the Matrix soundtrack.
Turkey aren't even Europe technically, and it was a little sleazy
Armenia had a boy goth in a skirt playing the flute and a tree covered in loo roll. Says it all really...
Moldova were a bit pointless.

The interval was a bit wierd, but at least Lordi managed to refrain from performing. Some circus and a death metal string quarter. I love Finland, they're mental. All the darkness breeds contempt.

Voting began and obviously, with such a huge number of Balkan states entered into the competiton, some threads of voting soon became apparent. And of course, Finland and Sweden voted for each other, Cyprus voted for Greece (would you expect anything else) and Malta gave us douze point! Merci beaucoup for saving us from the indignity of nul point.

Serbia won. Ukraine should have won, but such things happen. I hated that lesbian, politico-religious crap. It was very Jeanette Kranky. I didn't like it...no I didn't.... And can you believe the singer is only 23? Clearly they age quickly in Serbia.

Scooch did well, they're performance was good. Much better than Ireland. Unfortunately, everyone in Europe hates us these days, so we had no chance...

Next year, we should enter some light hearted pop rock. Something like The View or Ordinary Boys. I'm sure they'd oblige.